When You See a Nazi, Punch a Nazi!
Honestly, I hate that this article is even relevant. I hate that Neo-Nazi/ white supremacists in America have made it necessary for me to point out what Hollywood has been teaching us for years and years. That lesson? When you see a Nazi, you punch a Nazi. With protests across the country complaining about white men have things “taken” from them by more qualified people, it’s time for Stars & Popcorn to take an official stand. It might have gone unsaid, but I’m saying it any ways, we are completely anti-nazi, anti-white-supremacist, and anti-“alt-right.” If some of you even have to ask why it’s because my heroes growing up showed me that you need to protect those that need it most, and that often means taking a stand and punching a Nazi in the face. That’s why I’ve put together a list of great movie characters that proved no one has time for Nazi’s and the garbage they spray from their eatin’ holes. And America shouldn’t have time for White Supremacist and their pity parties. With that in mind, here are 10 characters that taught us not to be afraid to punch a Nazi when you need to. While America might believe in freedom of speech that doesn’t include freedom from consequence, so with this list, I encourage all Stars & Popcorn fans to do their part to fight ignorance and bigotry in all forms. We have an obligation to follow in our heroes footsteps and fight these scum bags every way we can!
10. Kung Fury- Kung Fury
Trim away the satire and ridiculousness that is Kung Fury and you find a very clear message at the heart of it. If you get a chance to beat up Hitler, you don’t just punch him, you summon dinosaurs and Odin and whatever else you can. It’s an amazing short film that seems to ignore all logic, that is until those damn Nazi’s show up. Then suddenly the whole thing makes sense. I’m not saying this is a film that deserves accolades or anything like that, but if there is one thing I can get behind, it’s the fact that Nazi’s deserve to get the ever-living crap kicked out of them. We might not have dinosaurs, but we sure as hell can trample the terrible people ruining what America stands for. Best of all Kung Fury made sure to puch those Nazis as best he could.
9. Cliff- The Rocketeer
Hey, I’m not going to argue that The Rocketeer was a good movie. But even a bad movie knows to encourage audiences to punch Nazis. Sometimes even while wearing a jetpack. In fact, if you have a jetpack, you should definitely use that to help punch a Nazi extra hard. It’s an easily forgettable film, but director Joe Johnson started an early trend that I can definitely get behind. The habit? Nazi’s are the natural enemies of superheroes in movies. Now, let’s just think about that for a moment. People granted tremendous powers and responsibility all seem to want to punch Nazis. So, what should we take away from that? Yeah, we all should stand up to bigotry and sometimes pop it in the mouth for good measure.
8. Rick Blaine- Casablanca
Rick barely made it onto this list. Sure, Casablanca is a tremendous film, but Rick was not exactly a guy who stood his ground at the beginning. Instead, he decided to pay them off to live in peace. Let’s not hold that against him though, because when the chips were down, he chose to screw over the Nazi’s. So, we can’t be too mad that he’s been keeping his head low because when it really counted, he lifted it high and told the Nazi’s to “suck it.” Rick helped to smuggle the resistance out of the country and keep them safe from the leather booted fascist that would do them harm. So, what can we take away from this? Protect those who stand their ground, even if you can’t stand yours.
7. Vassili- Enemy at the Gates
One shot, one dead Nazi. That’s the motto of Vassili a Russian soldier in World War II (played by Jude Law) that became a hero to his people for putting on right between the eyes on dozens of the SS. However, the Nazi’s weren’t going to just stand for something like that, so they decided to send their own sharpshooter after him (Ed Harris). Most of the film is a cat and mouse game between the two, but I’ll let you guess who ends up winning. Here’s a hint, not the Nazi’s. The Nazi’s never win. You know, you’d think that they might have figured that out by now. Oh well, I guess it’s a lesson they’re going to have to figure out the hard way one more time.
6. Humans and Russians- Red vs Dead: Dead Snow 2
This has to be one of my favorite Nazi-stomping movies of all time. It’s the sequel to Dead Snow, but I feel like it’s a superior horror comedy overall. It involves the reanimated corpses of Nazi’s rising from their graves and deciding to continue with their orders by marching onward to victory. Not a big deal, except there are a lot of them and they managed to find some tanks in a WWII museum. The force seems unstoppable at first until the people who accidentally brought them back to life find some help by raising zombie Russian soldiers to help punch Nazis. The climax of the movie is all out zombie on zombie violence as the Russians aim to do what they did once before. Honestly, who knew that zombies could be the good guys too?
5. Lt. Aldo Raine- Inglourious Basterds
There are a lot of heroes in Inglourious Basterds. To be honest, the Bear Jew almost made the list, but Brad Pitt won out simply because of the way he pronounces “Nazi” (a pronunciation I’m adopting in hopes of just pissing them off). The Basterds entire mission is to cause absolute terror for their enemies using guerilla warfare and torturing their enemies to death. Aldo was so brave that he went to the heart of Germany just to be able to punch a Nazi in the face. Of course, a hero is nothing without his villain, and Christoph Waltz performance is the only time I will say anything positive about a Nazi in cinema. Aldo had a lot of hatred in his heart for Nazi’s and I can respect that. That’s why he’s coming in at number 5 on this list. So, everyone join me in loudly proclaiming “Naz-ee” for Aldo’s sake.
4. Hellboy- Hellboy
Hellboy might have been brought to our world by Nazi’s, but that doesn’t mean he has any time for them. In fact, it could be assumed that he has quite the distaste for them, especially when it comes to undead, wind up, zombie Nazis. Sure the majority of the film doesn’t deal with him going toe to toe with these scumbags, but when he does get a chance to go after one, he makes pretty short work of them. That’s why he made it on this list, not because he’s dedicated his life to beating up Nazi’s, but because when he does fight them in his movies he manages to punch Nazis really REALLY hard. Plus, if a guy who literally comes from Hell doesn’t have a problem beating up Nazi’s I think it’s probably ok for regular American’s to stand up to them.
3. Magneto- X-Men: First Class
Magneto has one of the most tragic stories of all the X-Men. As a young boy, he was forced into a concentration camp, where he lost his mother and father. After the end of the war though he found himself take sweet revenge on those that imprisoned him and experimented on him. He traveled around the world hunting down former Nazi’s and taught them that actions have consequences in the most painful ways possible. Sure he didn’t actually punch a Nazi, but he did much worse to them. Considering in the comic he went onto become one of the greatest villains of all time (and in the movies too), I’d say the fact that he has such hatred for Nazi’s speaks volumes. Now, he might not be a great example of a man whose footsteps you want to follow in, but with it comes to Nazi’s he makes some good points.
2. Indiana Jones- Like, all the time…
If there’s one man who taught us to stand up to Nazi’s as kids, it’s Indiana Jones. In fact, it’s arguable that his two best movies involved him punching Nazi’s most of the time (Unless you count that big guy he fought by the plane). He was truly one of the great heroes of my childhood and the first guy who literally showed me how awful Nazi’s were and how much they deserved to get taken out by any means necessary (this was all when I was too young to know the history of World War II). So if you’re a parent who wants to teach your kid not to trust and to hate Nazi’s then you need to show them Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Last Crusade. Trust me, it will help them to grow up to be the kind of people we need right now.
1. Steve Rogers- Captain America: The First Avenger, The Winter Soldier
Forget all the garbage Marvel is currently doing with Captain America in the comics right now. Steve Rodgers was literally a man who was made to punch a Nazi in the face. He volunteered for an untested medical procedure to get better at punching Nazi’s in the face. He made war propaganda films to inspire everyone to get out there and punch a Nazi in the face. When he did finally get out there and to punch a Nazi for real, well, I’m pretty sure those Nazi’s weren’t “knocked out.” When he woke up after World War II he went out and found more Nazi’s to punch in the face. He is a character whose primary purpose is Nazi punching. Plus, he’s Captain AMERICA, if that doesn’t tell you what American’s should do to Nazi’s I really have no idea what else to say to you. So, take a note from good old Cap, if you see someone spouting out there spreading hatred and ignorance, take a stand. It’s the American thing to do.
So, there you have it. 10 great characters that decided Nazi’s deserve nothing more than a hard right hook. Have a problem with our list? Well, I don’t really care… Unless you can think of better Nazi butt kickers! Then I would love to hear your comments. Nazi’s are bad guys, period. If I lose a few readers over this firm stance, so be it. Stars & popcorn doesn’t need that hate and neither does America. Anyone who wants to stand strong against this horrible trend, I’m going to keep writing up articles just for you. Remember though, we all need to do our part to protect people from hatred. So follow the lead of these characters and give those Nazi bastards what they deserve!