Moonfall (Review)
Science? Moonfall Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Science!
People have seemed awfully excited about the new Roland Emmerich movie, Moonfall, and I honestly don’t understand why. Yeah, he did Independence Day, but he also did the 1998 Godzilla movie, 2012, and The Day After Tomorrow, which no one can argue were “good.” Hell, it was just a few years ago that Emmerich himself sullied the memory of Independence Day with Independence Day: Resurgence. Yet, fans sure seemed excited to see the director’s newest big-screen feature designed to troll the scientific community en masse. Moonfall calls upon Emmerich’s wealth of experience spitting in the face of logic to create the definitive B-movie, which will one day be viewed with the same flabbergasted delight that has allowed modern audiences to enjoy sci-fi “classics”, such as Cat-Women of the Moon.
Before I get into the plot of Moonfall, I’m going to ask that everyone hold their questions till the end and then promptly forget them. Moonfall offers no answers or logic, only big explosions, and even bigger plot holes. The whole thing starts in 2011 when a mission to repair a satellite results in an injury and death. The sole astronaut to see what caused the damage was Brian Harper (Patrick Wilson), who watched a swarm of nanites attacks the shuttle before seeing them crash into the moon. Of course, no one believed him and instead placed all the blame on his shoulders, effectively ruining his life. Over a decade later, Brain is approached by genius crackpot scientist, K.C. Houseman (John Bradley), who has discovered that the moon is off its orbit and heading directly towards Earth. Together, they convince the head of NASA (and Brian’s former “work wife”), Jocinda “Jo” Fowler (Halle Berry) that they only have days to save the entire planet from an extinction-level event, and the trio sets off to determine the fate of the human race.
It’s been a few hours since I saw Moonfall, and my brain still feels numb from the plot. Take it from me, I love the “fiction” aspect of “science-fiction” as much as the next moviegoer, but Moonfall shoves its way beyond simple fiction and into the realm of fantasy. For one thing, it entertains a theory regarding megastructures that holds less legitimacy than the modern flat earther movement, which believes that the moon is an artificial satellite created by ancient aliens. That’s right, the moon is a hollow device created by aliens using a white dwarf to power it. Now another intelligent entity wants to use the moon to wipe out humanity. If you’re starting to think that Moonfall isn’t very scientifically accurate, don’t worry because K.C. helpfully explains to NASA scientists, “You’re dealing with a megastructure. Your rules don’t apply anymore.” I suppose a line as dumb as that was meant to help invoke suspension of disbelief as an object many times smaller than Earth proceeds to pull massive structural objects off the ground thanks to its gravitational pull. Instead, it comes across as an admission that Moonfall got frustrated with those nerd science books and decided to make up its own rules to look cooler.
As stupid as Moonfall is, the scenes where science is tossed out the window in favor of large-scale destruction are absolutely awe-inspiring. In a lot of ways, that makes the film a sort of cinematic trophy wife. It’s absolutely gorgeous, but every time it opens its mouth you can’t help regretting what you’ve gotten yourself into. Still, Emmerich is an artiste when it comes to destroying the planet, and Moonfall certainly lives up to the visual effects of his previous disaster films. As often as I rolled my eyes at the action on screen, there are also scenes filled with beautiful imagination, especially when the moon starts messing with the water on Earth. In fact, I would go so far as to consider the destruction the best part of the film (well, second best if you count just how incredible a name “Fuzz Aldrin” is for an astronomy geek’s cat). In all seriousness, the VFX are incredible and the film was clearly made in order to have obscenely inaccurate moments like the moon knocking off the tops of mountains or car chases through gravity waves. As much as I hate to admit it, science has never been especially camera-friendly and Moonfall definitely manages to come up with some pretty awe-inspiring imagery for the audience to enjoy.
As far as the performances in Moonfall go, there are some definite highs and lows. Patrick Wilson leads the cast and has always been an actor who excels at getting the audience to care about the other characters on-screen with him. There’s just something about him that makes the audience empathize with those he cares about no matter how dislikeable they might seem at first. Fortunately, the two other protagonists don’t need a lot of help getting viewers to warm up to them. Berry seems to be making quite a comeback lately with more of an emphasis on her abilities as an actress rather than simply being the hot sidekick. Moonfall doesn’t give her a lot of great dialogue, but she tackles the role with the same determination her character shows. Then there is the comic relief, John Bradly who gives off very strong Nick Frost vibes as the eager, yet out of his depth, astronomy obsessed conspiracy theorist. K.C. gets a cat and a mom, which instantly makes him a good guy in the audience’s eyes, and it’s impossible not to root for the guy from the get-go. The cast left on the ground though is an insufferable distraction as they serve only to remind viewers that there are people on Earth who will die. Unfortunately, it’s hard to care if they live or not thanks to the petty side-plots and melodrama.
As much as the rational and logical part of my brain wants to declare Moonfall a complete dumpster fire of a film, other parts of my brain sure did love watching those flames dance. It is pure spectacle and damn if it wasn’t fun watching huge things crashing together and ripping apart in all the chaos. For that reason, I’m going to say that Moonfall isn’t a half-bad popcorn flick. However, there is never an instance where you can take any of the plot seriously in any way. The moment you do, the sheer stupidity of what’s occurring on-screen becomes overwhelming. In order to best enjoy Moonfall, allow your brain to go limp and simply float along the lazy river of VFX that it provides. Trust me, if you do just that, you might even have a bit of fun with this one.
