The Top 10 Best Movie Drunks
These Movie Drunks Put the “Fun” in “Functional Alcoholic.”
This week Stars & Popcorn is tackling the best movie drunks of all time. Now, let me make a very important distinction, alcoholism is no laughing matter. However, it’s been romanticized over the years to the point where some pretty charming alcoholics have appeared on the big screen. So, for the sake of this list, drunks are characters in a movie that consume excessive amounts of alcohol but don’t necessarily suffer traumatic experiences at the hands of their addiction. Their drinking is more a plot device to allow the character to act outrageously or be complete disasters. In other words: alcoholics = bad, drunks = fun. Don’t worry, I’ll throw together an alcoholics list in the future, but I just want everyone to know that I’m not glamorizing the illness, just the plot device. Because of that, don’t expect movies like Barfly, Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolfe, or Leaving Las Vegas on here. Oh, and if you’re feeling inspired by any of these characters, remember to drink responsibly.
10. Marion Ravenwood- Raiders of the Lost Ark
Kicking off this list is a character that could probably drink all these movie drunks under the table. If you’re going to tag along with one of the greatest movie explorers of all time, you have to be tough, and no one’s liver is tougher than Marion’s. When we first meet her, she’s going shot for shot with a guy three times her size, and I don’t think the guy survived. Not only does she drink the guy into a coma, but she’s up like a spring daisy just in time to close her bar. It doesn’t just stop there, because when she finds herself captured by Nazis, she comes up with an escape plan that sticks to her strengths. Rather than just punching her way out, she attempts to drink her captors to death. Now that’s one way to get rid of Nazis that I can support.
9. Elwood P. Dowd- Harvey
One of the classic cliches that movie drunks always seem to suffer from is seeing things that aren’t there. You know how it goes, they stumble along drinking straight from a bottle and see something extraordinary. Their eyes go wide and they swear off the booze. Well, Elwood kinda has the opposite problem. You see, he has an imaginary friend named Harvey, who is a 6’ 3” rabbit. At least Elwood thinks he’s imaginary. Harvey is actually a pooka (mischievous spirit) that likes to torment social outcasts. It’s not entirely clear if Harvey is the reason Elwood drinks or that Harvey likes Elwood because he drinks. Either way, the fact that only he can see Harvey and happens to drink, makes it hard for anyone to believe him. Elwood makes this list because of his unique situation and because it’s hard not to love Jimmy Stewart.
8. Willie T. Soke- Bad Santa
Honestly, it’s a little surprising that there’s only one mall Santa on this list of movie drunks. Then again, I’m not sure the world could handle more than one Willie T. Soke. I can’t blame him for drinking like a fish… one that suffers from alcoholism. He spends his days sitting in a hot as hell red suit listening to kids cry and scream about what they want for Christmas. I’d lose my faith in humanity too. Willie’s drinking does tend to get in the way of his job not only as a mall Santa but as a professional thief that knocks over stores every holiday season and spends the rest of the years drinking his life away on a beach somewhere. As the title suggests, Willie isn’t a great Santa, but he’s a hell of a drunk which is why he’s earned a respectable spot on here.
7. Wong Fei-hung AKA Freddy Wong- Drunken Master
A lot of movie drunks claim to drink because they have to. Well, Wong Fei-hung literally does for self-defense purposes. You see, he practices the ancient martial art of the drunken fist. It’s a style that imitates the movements of drunks to use in combat. I’ve seen enough drunk guys get into fights to doubt the legitimacy of the effectiveness of the style, but I’ll keep my sense of disbelief in check. Besides, it’s hard to argue since the movie features Jackie Chan in the lead role. His character finds himself in trouble with some local tough guys and his only chance is to learn to fight from the toughest teacher in town. The thing is that in order to be a true drunken master, Wong Fei-hung has to consume lots of alcohol to really get all “loosey-goosey” and be a force to reckon with.
6. Jimmy Dugan- A League of their Own
The thing about movie drunks is that they’re not always such bad guys. Take Jimmy Dugan for example. He’s a down-and-out former baseball player who turned to drink after an injury ended his career. He’s offered the opportunity to coach in a new women’s baseball league that was put together during WWII to help boost public morale. The thing is, Jimmy isn’t exactly thrilled with his new job and doesn’t have any plans to sober up for it. Most of the time he shows up drunk or hungover, not giving a rats ass about anything… until he does. Jimmy actually grows to love the women on his team and starts to get his act together in order to be the best that he can be for them. Not only was Jimmy a damn fine drunk, but he was a damn fine coach as well.