The Top 10 Best Movie Drunks
5. John “Bluto” Blutarsky- Animal House
Bluto was a man of few words, but many drinks. One of the big dawgs of the Omega Theta Pi house, Bluto wasn’t just a party animal. He was a party beast! Most of us (hopefully) remember that college was a time when a newfound sense of freedom led to a lot of experimentation with alcohol. Well, Bluto wasn’t just experimenting with drinking, he was a full-fledged mad scientist. Despite not having many lines, Bluto proved to be the most memorable of the Omega house and the embodiment of everything parents hope their kids don’t do at college. For the sake of this list, I’m going to point out one particular scene where Bluto emerges from Omega house and drinks his morning bottle of whiskey before heading off to class. That alone makes him a more than worthy addition to this list.
4. Morris Buttermaker- The Bad News Bears
Just to be clear, I’m going with the Walter Matthau version of the character from the 1976 The Bad News Bears. Buttermaker was from a different time when we all knew the guy teaching little league was wasted half the time but didn’t really care. After all, parents were basically using the guy as a babysitter to get a few hours of relief from their little monsters. Besides, it’s just unAmerican to watch baseball sober. While Morris’ behavior definitely wouldn’t fly today, there’s no arguing that he wasn’t a pretty good coach for those kids. They, in turn, became just the best little enablers a drunk like him could ask for. There’s hardly a scene in the film where Morris doesn’t have a beer in his hand, but that didn’t make me love him any less. In fact, I’m pretty impressed that he kept his team alive long enough to reach the playoffs.
3. Doc Holiday- Tombstone
When it comes to functional alcoholics, few are as impressive as old Doc Holiday. Doc was a dentist by trade (a profession with an incredibly high suicide rate) before he became a gunslinger and faithful companion to Wyatt Earp. By the time Tombstone starts, his glory days are through, and he’s suffering from a bad case of consumption. Needless to say, Doc’s got a few reasons to want to drink his troubles away. However, movie drunks aren’t the kind to let the bottle do them in (see Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas for that). So, he loads up his trusty six-shooters once more to join Wyatt on a suicide mission in the name of justice. Despite being an incredible lush, Val Kilmer stole the show as Doc Holiday and earned himself a place among the best movie drunks in history.
2. Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski- The Big Lebowski
The Dude abides. The Dude also day drinks a lot. Cinephiles know that Jeffrey Lebowski has a penchant for White Russians and never misses a chance to make himself a drink. The thing is that while The Dude is probably buzzed, he’s pretty high functioning. Of course, The Dude is also known for getting a bit crossfaded from time to time. Still, he’s got a certain je ne sais quoi to him. A sense of dignity to go with the bathrobe and jellies that he seems to wear anywhere. Then again, he has to be sure to keep his wits about him if he has any chance at all of finding out who peed on his rug. That still doesn’t stop him from having a drink or two along the way. You know, to help him unwind a little.
1. Kid Shelleen- Cat Balou
I guess that gunslingers had a predisposition for drink since we’ve got another one on this list of movie drunks. In what might be Lee Marvin’s greatest performance of all time; he plays the legendary gunfighter and outlaw Kid Shelleen. He’s so good that when a hired gun sets his sights on the titular Cat Balou’ father, she seeks him out to stop the killer. The thing is that Kid Shaelleen isn’t exactly a “Kid” anymore and far from sober. In fact, he’s a total bum, and his skills have taken a bit of a hit due to years of drinking. Thanks to this, he fails in his job as a bodyguard, and Cat Ballou’s father is murdered. Kid Shelleen isn’t about to take that failure laying down and, with the help of a few cups of coffee, a bath, and a training montage, he gets himself back in the saddle again. Want to know why he’s ranked so high on this list? Just check out the picture of Kid and his horse. Also, Lee Marvin won an Oscar for the film, which is why he’s earned the number one spot on this list of movie drunks.
Honorable Mention: Ted Striker- Airplane!
He might be one of the best movie pilots of all time, but he’s got a hell of a drinking problem.
There are a lot of movie drunks out there, but those are the best in my book. Now, I don’t claim to be acquainted with all the movie drunks out there, and if you’ve got some good ones for me to check out, leave a comment below. As always, I’ll be updating this list as new and improved movie drunks hit the big screen. So, be sure to check back to see how the rankings might change in the future. Oh, and if you do decide to draw any inspiration from these characters, be sure to drink responsibly.