The Hurricane Heist (Review)
The Hurricane Isn’t the Only Thing That Blows in The Hurricane Heist.
The Hurricane Heist is a fast-paced action thriller that takes place in the middle of the storm of the century. Unfortunately, the wind isn’t the only thing that blows in this cheesy, cliche-riddled mess of a film. Take it from someone who has seen their fair share of hurricanes, I’d rather sit through one of those than this movie again.
It might be a prejudice of mine, but I can’t stand good old boy southern accents. There’s just something off-putting about them, so that was a pretty big strike against The Hurricane Heist from the get-go. The two leads are like two-bit Dukes of Hazzard ripoffs with all the southern charm of a trailer park with a meth problem. Of course, I recognized Ryan Kwanten from his stint on True Blood, which I’ll admit was a guilty pleasure of mine. However, there’s little pleasure that can be gained from watching The Hurricane Heist. Kwanten isn’t the only one with a southern drawl in the film. His co-star Toby Kebbell, plays his brother (and a meteorology expert) which is fortunate given the setting of the film. The thing is that it feels like Kebbell was the wrong choice when it came to casting the lead because he certainly doesn’t have the charisma his one screen brother has.
Strangely enough, the villains of The Hurricane Heist also sport accents. There’s though are from across the pond. A strange coincidence to be sure, but it’s the only memorable thing about them. The film invests more into making the storm the big bad that it seems to ignore the rest of the cast. Now, I’ve seen my fair share of hurricanes and they can be intimidating, but The Hurricane Heist takes things to a whole new level. It’s definitely much more science fiction than anything else, and the CGI gets a little too ridiculous at some points. This storm is something straight out of hell and even manifests a demonic face along the way. While the movie is definitely cheesy, I just couldn’t deal with how absurdly powerful the hurricane in it is. I mean, global warming is bad, but it’s not that bad yet.
The poster for The Hurricane Heist proudly states that it’s from the same director as The Fast and The Furious (Rob Cohen), and it’s clear that he’s still making movies for teenage boys. Cohen’s fondness for overly modified vehicles is alive and well, and the supercharged, storm chasing “Dominator” is treated very much like another character. The thing is that it proves to be a much more interesting character than the shallow heroes and villains of the film. It certainly has its fair share of screen time given the number of car chases that rip through the tiny Alabama town. The only problem is that the town pretty much consists of Main street and a few two-lane roads, so the chases aren’t exactly thrilling.
It’s funny that the two most interesting characters in the film aren’t even people. Then again, that seems to be the trend when it comes to Rob Cohen. He’s a man with vision, but he doesn’t see the trees from the forest. Rather, he isn’t the kind of director to worry too much about details like performances or character development. He’s had a hit or two, but looking through his filmography has stirred up some painful memories of ill-fated nights at the theater (Alex Cross is still one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen in my life.).
There are plenty of gunfights in The Hurricane Heist, the problem is that the heavy rain and winds make them a little tough to follow. When both sides are squinting just to try to see each other and shouting over the wind, the whole thing feels a little anticlimactic. In fact, most of the action sequences are either too over the top or just boring. Their inconsistency though throws off the pacing of the movie, then again that’s really the least of the problems when it comes to The Hurricane Heist.
Personally, I found this flick to be Michael Bay-esque. Unlikeable characters, over the top action sequences, groan-worthy dialogue, and plot holes you could drive a truck through, are the foundation on which The Hurricane Heist is built. It’s a waterlogged film that falls well short of the adrenaline rush action film it wants so desperately to be. Hell, it’s not even a good natural disaster movie. Oddly enough, it’s almost fitting that it takes place in the middle of a hurricane because it’s a complete disaster of a film. Though I doubt FEMA’s going to show up to clean up this mess…
