The Top 10 Best Movie Nurses
Movie Nurses are the Ones Enforcing Movie Doctors’ Orders.
In the midst of this COVID-19 pandemic, it felt right to honor some of the heroes out there risking their lives to help save the sick. That’s why this week’s top 10 list is dedicated to the greatest movie nurses of all time. Sure, movie doctors might get all the glory, but we all know who the real rockstars in the medical community are. While the docs are off making their rounds and reading charts without learning names, nurses are on the frontlines. They’re the ones making sure patients take their meds and aren’t doing dumb things to make their condition worrse. They’re one part health care provider, one part therapist, and one part babysitter. That’s why I’m honoring the only way Stars & Popcorn knows how-to, with a top 10 list of their own. Now, not all the movie nurses on this list are benevolent, but that’s just because I’ve met a few terrible ones in my day (besides, Hannibal Lector was on the Doctors list and he doesn’t exactly “do no harm”). Don’t worry, because this list won’t hurt a bit and you’ll feel much better afterward.
10. Mildred Ratched- One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
I’m kicking off this list of movie nurses with one of the evilest movie characters of all time. Nurse Ratched rules a mental hospital with an iron fist. She’s a psycho that believes it’s better to be feared than respected. For years, she’s been passive-aggressively tormenting the mentally ill patients left in her care. Part of me doesn’t want to hate Nurse Ratched for trying to enforce her insane list of rules. After all, anyone in the medical field can probably attest to how difficult patients can be at times. Another part of me wishes that McMurphy had finished her off when he had the chance. Nurse Ratched might give movie nurses a good name, but it would be stupid to assume that every nurse in the world was an angel of mercy. Still, I hope that I never run into anyone like Ratched when I need medical assistance.
9. Major Margaret “Hot Lips” Houlihan- M*A*S*H
I’ve seen enough war movies to know that the military needs lots of nurses on hand to patch up wounded soldiers. While “Hot Lips” isn’t exactly Clara Barton, she’s by no means a bad nurse. Like Ratched, she’s a stickler for rules and regulations (she’s a far cry from that witch) and manages to get on the nerves of the freewheeling doctors at the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital. They, in turn, take it upon themselves to humiliate her in the hopes of taking her down a few pegs. As much as we might love old Hawkeye, Trapper, and the rest of the gang, they’re the real villains in those scenarios. Even as her life is made miserable by them, Hot Lips never hesitates to get in there and lend a helping hand anytime there’s a medical emergency. Overcoming dickish doctors earns her a respectable spot on this list of movie nurses.
8. Madam Pomfrey- The Harry Potter Films
Honestly, I think the only reason Hogwarts hasn’t been shut down is that it has one of the greatest movie nurses of all time making sure that the kids don’t actually die on school property. Seriously, it’s no small task keeping all those witches and wizards in one piece, especially since Dumbledore seems to think OSHA health and safety standards are more like safety suggestions. I mean, you got trolls in the dungeon, kids flying around on brooms, and he’s even throwing them into pits with dragons for Wizarding Cups. Thankfully, Hogwarts mortality rate doesn’t seem to be nearly as high as it should be given how terrible the administration is. Plus, she’s one of the only magical movie nurses out there and adding a little diversity to the list just felt right.
7. Bakary “Driss” Bassari- The Intouchables
Kevin Hart took on the same role in the recent Americanized remake, The Upside, but I’ve got to go with the OG Driss (Omar Sy) for this list of movie nurses. Sure, Driss never actually went to nursing school, but he does provide health care for quadriplegic Phillipe. Plus, this is my list and I say that Driss counts. He’s not exactly what springs to mind when you think of a nurse, but I like to think anyone with compassion, a brain, and a sense of humor can be a great nurse. Taking care of Phillipe is a full-time job and while Driss does a solid job seeing to his bosses medical needs, he’s earning a spot on this list because of his bedside manner. It’s one thing to keep someone alive and another to make them glad to be alive.
6. Jean “The Nurse” Thomas- Hotel Artemis
Whether or not Jean Thomas is a nurse or not isn’t quite clear. She definitely knows her way around a medical procedure and runs a private hospital for unsavory members of the underworld. Plus, they all call her “The Nurse,” so I’m going to allow it. Jean runs the Hotel Artemis that provides medical care for bad guys (not everyone gets away from bank robberies unscathed). She only has three rules: 1) No weapons 2) No non-members and 3) No killing of other guests. While she’s definitely no joke, anyone who violates those rules has to deal with her orderly, Everest. She takes a high tech approach to caring for her patients with Robo-surgery, lasers, and even 3D printed organs. With the tech and skills at her disposal, there’s no real need for a “doctor” at the Hotel Artemis.