The Top 10 Best Cabin in the Woods Movies
Cabin in the Woods Movies Reveal the Horrors of Leaving Civilization.
There are few rites of passage as important as cabin in the woods movies. People need to learn from a young age that nothing good ever happens in the woods. It’s just… it’s a miserable place. Sure, you can go camping out there, but at what cost? If there’s one thing I’ve learned from cabin in the woods movies (and from personal experience), people usually go there to die. So, before you decide to visit your estranged cousin’s cabin or spend your summer at camp, you better check out this list of fair warnings first. The only rule for the movies on this list was that they had to either take place in or revolve around a cabin, lodge, cottage, etc (they’re the same damn thing). However, I chose not to include movies where people just live in a house in the woods (ie Misery, It Comes at Night, etc). So, before you leave the comfort of your AC, be sure to take a look at this list of the best cabin in the woods movies!
10. Zombeavers
Kicking off this list of cabin in the woods movies is proof that anything that can go wrong will go wrong when you take a little vacation from civilization. Beavers might not seem like a big deal on their own, but what about zombie beavers? That’s right, there is a horror film that addresses this contingency specifically. So, if you want to be prepared for anything and everything be sure to check out this insane horror-comedy. At first glance, this probably seems like a terrible b-movie, but it’s just weird enough to work. Like most horror movies, it starts when a group of half-naked and horny teens decide to take a weekend trip out to the lake. Things at the lake never end well though, and soon they’re besieged by zombie beavers. To make matters worse, it’s contagious! How? What do I look like? A vet? Go ask a vet.
9. Honeymoon
Marriage is supposed to be a good thing, right? I’m honestly asking because divorce rates are insane these days. Seriously though, if you are getting married, Honeymoon will make you rethink spending your newlywed nights out in the middle of the woods. As the title suggests, the film follows a freshly married couple that decides to enjoy some alone time in the woods. Well, it turns out that you’re never truly alone in the woods. Of course, there are all sorts of critters, bugs, and backwoods psychopaths always watching (ALWAYS!), but what about the unknown? It turns out there are otherworldly forces that have their eyes on the young couple, especially the “hotwife” (Game of Thrones’ Rose Leslie). Next time, go to Hawaii or Vegas for your honeymoon. Just, trust me on that one.
8. Cabin Fever
Eli Roth is kind of a creep (Chris Marquette’s character in The Girl Next Door was “inspired” by him). However, I’m trying not to let my personal views on people cloud my judgment when it comes to film. That’s why I’ve decided to include Cabin Fever on this list of cabin in the woods movies. This little flick (like most of the ones on here) follow rowdy and horny college kids heading out to the middle of nowhere to party it up. There they find plenty of peace, relaxation, and a flesh-eating virus. Yeah, the movie is a little gory (and apparently inspired by Roth’s own experience with a skin infection). Cabin Fever led to his inclusion among the torture porn auteurs that made up “the splat pack.” It’s a pretty gross movie that spawned two sequels and a reboot. So, I guess people are kind of into the whole flesh-eating virus thing.
7. The Hallow
You might think that only Americans might be the only ones with a lesson to learn from cabin in the woods movies, but our friends across the pond are just as at risk. The Hallow follows a new family that heads off to the rural countryside of Ireland to do conservation research. While there, they get a nice cozy cabin to spend their days. At least, that’s what the movie wants you to think. Turns out there’s a lot of ancient and nasty stuff over in the old country, and the family soon find themselves under attack by the fair folk. Now, I’m not talking Tinkerbell here. No, these fairies are mean and nasty buggers that love snatching babies in the middle of the night. Jokes on them though, because the only thing scarier than a bunch of evil fairies are pissed off parents.
6. Dog Soldiers
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I love werewolf movies. Of all the classic movie monsters, they’re my favorite. That’s why I was pretty excited to include Dog Soldiers on this list of cabin in the woods movies. The film takes place in the highlands of Scotland where a group of S.A.S. soldiers (British Special Forces) are undergoing a training exercise. Training gets cut short when they are attacked by a werewolf and have to retreat to a cabin to regroup. At first, they believe four walls and a roof might keep them safe. That is until the werewolves remind them that they just don’t give a damn about inconsequential things like that. With no ammo or hope of rescue, the soldiers are forced to improvise as they go toe to toe with the only thing deadlier than man.