The Top 10 Killer Movie Camps Not to Send Your Kids to

July 13, 2020July 13, 2020 Patrick Sessoms cabin in the woods, camps, horror movies, killer animals, killer plants, nature, serial killers, slashers, summer, summer camps

5. Camp Yellow Jacket- The Hive

With all those sticky fingers and germs, a case of the sniffles usually comes with a stint at summer camp. However, if this was any ordinary bug then it wouldn’t be earning a spot on this list. Like most problems plaguing these killer movie camps, the outbreak at Camp Yellow Jacket is thanks to some meddling camp counselors. Rather than spend the night with some good old fashioned smooching, like their peers, these teens decide to investigate a mysterious plane crash. That’s when they discover a strange virus that mutates their bodies and causes their brains to be affected by a sort of hive mind. All their memories become muddled together as they slowly transform into rage-zombie-like beings. If the last thing you want on your hands is a bunch of sick kids, you probably shouldn’t send them to Camp Yellow Jacket.

4. Lost River Camp- Piranha

A cramp’s the least of your worries, kid.

One of the great rights of passage at camp is spending some time flailing about in a river or lake with little to no adult supervision. You might want to skip that part at Lost River Camp though since it’s home to a deadly school of piranha. In real life, these vicious fishes fall short of the myth, but a school of them could still probably mess a campers day up real bad. However, this school is the result of a covert (and incredibly dumb) military project called Operation: Razorteeth (clever, right?). The result was a ravenous and prodigious strain of piranha meant to fight the Viet Cong back during the Vietnam War. Well, these guys never got a chance to ship out and serve their country, so they just had to settle for nibbling on a bunch of youngsters instead. Now you can avoid situations like that by asking if there are any defunct military bases anywhere near the camp you’re sending your kid to.

3. Camp Arawak- Sleep Away Camp

You learn a lot about the birds and the bees at camp…

Has the movie Sleep Away Camp aged well? Eh, not really, but horror movies aren’t usually known for being politically correct. I wouldn’t even begin to address those issues, even if I had a 10-foot pole. At least, not in this top 10 list. Instead, I’m just going to honor one of the most iconic killer camp film franchises of all time, Sleep Away Camp. For the sake of simplicity, I’m just including Camp Arawak from the original movie. That being said, you should probably avoid sending your kids to Camp Rolling Hills and Camp New Horizon as well. There’s the spree killer issue, of course, but I’m also concerned about the fact that all the counselors at Arawak are dumber than stumps. After all, it’s a fact that 100% of the fatalities at killer movie camps are the fault of inattentive and promiscuous camp counselors.

2. Camp Stonewater- The Burning

Some say on a night a lot like this, you can still smell Cropsey cooking away on the wind

It was a toss-up over which of the killer movie camps from The Buring should earn a spot on this list. On the one hand, Camp Blackfoot is the kind of place where kids “accidentally” light caretakers on fire leaving them to live out the remainder of their days disfigured and undoubtedly in agony. On the other hand, said caretakers tend to go on murder sprees at Camp Stonewater. To be fair, it’s hard to blame old Cropsey for wanting to put the hurt on some campers and counselors after “the incident.” Heck, I was tempted a few times to do just that when I was a counselor, and my campers didn’t even light me on fire. Still, most people probably aren’t thrilled about the idea of sending their kids off to camp to be terrorized by an unhinged burn victim with a set of garden shears. Then again, what do I know? I’m not a parent.

1. Camp Crystal Lake- The Friday the 13th Franchise

Don’t mind the councilor, he’s the strong, silent type.

When it comes to killer movie camps, this is the one you want to avoid at all costs. That’s because it’s the home turf of one of the most prolific and dangerous big screen slashers of all time, Jason Voorhees. Fortunately, Jason isn’t the type of guy to go after the little ones. It’s those darn councilors with their alcohol and drugs and premarital canoodling. Because of their short attention spans, a pre-murder-machine Jason drowns in a lake. Now he rises from that same lake every year to “Ki-Ki-Ki Ma-Ma-Ma” those dumb enough to put on a Camp Crystal Lake staff shirt. That said, it’s probably not worth the risk sending your children here for the summer. Oh, and a bit of free advice: avoid Camp Forest Green as well. It’s the same camp.

Honorable Mention: Camp Blue Finch AKA Camp Bloodbath- The Final Girls

Every notice killer movie camps always have yellow shirts?

Despite the name, The Final Girls doesn’t actually have any of the best final girls in it. It does, however, have a camp you definitely shouldn’t send your kids to. If not because of the masked murderer, then because it’s a camp that exists within a movie within another movie. So, if you send your kid here, they definitely aren’t coming back.

I’m not one to tell someone how to raise their kids, but if it were me, I wouldn’t send them to any of those killer movie camps. I’m sure there are more movie camps that parents wouldn’t want to enroll their children, and if I missed a good one be sure to let me know by leaving a comment. As always, I’ll be updating this as new killer movie camps pop up on my radar. So, don’t forget to check back from time to time to see how the rankings might change.

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