Top 10 Worst Movies of 2019
5. Alita: Battle Angel
Once again, we were all reminded that live-action anime adaptations are almost impossible for American moviemakers to pull off. Alita: Battle Angel was the passion project of James Cameron, who had been working on it for years. I was actually looking forward to it once upon a time, but when I finally sat down to watch it, I absolutely hated everything about it. There were a lot of internet fanboys who argued we should like it because of the fact that it featured a strong female lead. True, the film does feature a strong female character, but she uses that strength to be a bully and demand respect without earning it. Hell, she has all the makings of a good villain, which is something since she was such a crappy hero.
4. Cats
One of the worst movies of 2019 came out just in time for Christmas. Cats was absolutely soul-crushing in every possible way to the point where I was legitimately embarrassed on behalf of the people associated with it (they seemed to be pretty embarrassed themselves too). Director Tom Hooper pulled off Les Misérables a few years ago, so I guess he decided to challenge himself by taking on a “more difficult” musical. Well, it would seem he bit off more than he could chew with Cats because the end result was pure nightmare fuel. So much so, that the studio not only released a version with better visual effects but then pulled it from its “for your consideration” page. If you haven’t seen Cats yet, do yourself a favor and don’t. The human mind can only take so much.
3. The Hustle
A lot of people think that remakes are a sin unto cinema. Well, since I’m terrible at being a film snob, I’ll argue that there are some remakes that are actually pretty good. However, not only is The Hustle one of the worst movies of 2019, but I consider it to be one of the worst remakes of all time. It actually looked like it had the potential to be a good movie considering it stars Rebel Wilson and Anne Hathaway. However, instead of trying to capture the spirit of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (the film its remaking), it blatantly ripped it off. So much so, that I’m fairly convinced that writers simply copied and pasted scenes from the original script. What makes it all the more disappointing is that it’s a serious blow to my theory that gender-bending could be a fun way to remake a lot of movie classics.
2. Uglydolls
When I saw the trailer for Uglydolls, I knew it was going to end up on my list of the worst movies of 2019. Still, I tried to give it a chance since there have been some strange animated-films that I actually ended up loving. Uglydolls is just another friendly reminder that movies based on toys tend to be godawful. Though, to be fair, it’s not the worst film ever to try to (attempting) take advantage of a toy fad before. That doesn’t spare it from being the second-worst movie of the year. The film desperately tries to cobble together a plot based on a line of dolls and settles on the old cliche that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and everyone is special in their own way. The only thing that Uglydolls really proves is that “special” doesn’t always mean good.
1. Serenity
Coming in at number one on this list of the Worst Movies of 2019 is one that absolutely blew my mind. It features a twist that even M. Night Shyamalan would have rolled his eyes at. The film stars Anna Hathaway (who’s had a bit of a rough year) and Matthew McConaughey in what was probably supposed to be a thriller. Instead, it’s simply a waste of an hour and forty-five minutes of your life. It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen it, and I’m still furious about just how stupid Serenity was. Then again, I should have seen that coming when the film was pushed back from its initial 2018 release to January of this year. While I saw a lot of bad movies this year, Serenity is one that almost broke my spirit. If you don’t believe me, just ask my therapist.
There you have it, the 10 movies that almost made me give up being a film critic in 2019. Of course, I couldn’t do that to all my loyal fans. Why without me, you might have accidentally spent good money to see one of these flicks. Despite the terrible strain these films put on my psyche, I’m still going to keep on keeping on. After all, the least I can do is protect you from cinematic trash. That being said, a new year means plenty of new movies to look forward to, and I’ll be seeing reviewing as many as possible. So, be sure to check back and read the new reviews here before heading off to theaters.