The Top 10 Best Bond Henchmen
5. Xenia Onatopp- Goldeneye
Apparently having “killer thighs” is an employable skill when it comes to Bond henchmen. As romantic an ability as that might be, Onatopp is capable of much more than simply “death by snu snu.” She’s a former fighter pilot and master assassin who was good enough to be hired as a former 00’s muscle. Of course, Bond falls for her womanly wiles, but she soon shows him the dark side of #Metoo by teaching him that she’s much more than a simple sex object. Onatopp is actually a vicious killer who can literally crush the life out of any man. Seriously, she’s the toughest cookie that Bond has ever had to face and very nearly killed him in Cuba. Not many Bond henchmen can claim that, which is why Onatopp is earning a respectable rank on this list.
4. Baron Samedi- Live and Let Die
You know what a desirable skill for Bond henchmen is? Immortality. That’s probably why Dr. Kanaga hired him to keep an eye on his weird “free heroin” plan. I have to admit, I have to hand it to Kanaga’s HR department for going the whole voodoo route with their help. I mean, Samedi probably showed up to his interview with that weird bone makeup and top hat that he always wears. Still, Baron Samedi stands alone as one of the only Bond henchmen with mystical powers. No one really knows what’s going on with Baron Samedi in Live and Let Die. Is he magic? Is it a trick? All we know is that not even James Bond could put the guy in the ground. That makes him one of the only bad guys to actually survive an encounter with 007.
3. Odd Job- Goldfinger
A lot of you might only know Odd Job as that character your cousin always chose when they came over and played Goldeneye on Nintendo 64. We all know the guy was off-limits in multiplayer, but that little #$@% chose him anyways! However, he’s much more than that and not nearly as small as the game made him out to be. Serving as Auric Goldfinger’s “Alfred,” he basically makes sure nothing goes wrong for the guy. That means when 007 shows up asking questions it’s up to Oddjob to make the problem go away. While James Bond might have a license to kill, Oddjob has a deadly hat and kung-fu action grip. Too bad killer headwear isn’t enough to thwart a super spy.
2. Donald “Red” Grant- From Russia with Love
Want to know what bizarro James Bond looks like? Well, I present Red Grant. After 007 killed Dr. No, SPECTRE wasn’t too happy with him. So, they turned to the most effective agent they had in their ranks. Red Grant was not only sent to eliminate Bond but served as his guardian angel to make sure that he was able to accomplish the first half of his mission, ensuring that Bond got his hands on the Lektor device so that he could retrieve it from him. Why the subterfuge? It’s a spy movie! Still, Grant was an intimidating guy who honestly stood a solid chance at taking out James Bond. Everything Bond could do, he could do too. He had the same gadgets and training at his disposal. Still, James Bond wouldn’t be the super spy he is if he’d gotten killed in his second movie.
1. Jaws- The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker
When it comes to Bond henchmen, Jaws is the best of the best. Bond has gone against a lot of tough guys in his days, but Jaws is no mere “guy.” He’s a force of nature. An unstoppable force. A seven-foot-tall Polish guy with anger issues and metal teeth. He is the only henchman to appear in not one movie, but two! The man is basically “The Mountain” of the 70s. He’s an absolute beast and the one guy that 007 doesn’t want to meet when he turns down a dark alley. He is an unstoppable killing machine that destroys everything in his path. Some say he can’t be killed. Others say that he’s two regular guys pretending to be one really tall guy. All we know is that he’s a 007 legend and the best henchman that Bond ever squared off against.
Honorable Mention: Richard Stamper- Tomorrow Never Dies
Tomorrow Never Dies was far from one of the better Bond movies we’ve gotten. However, I remember when I saw it as a kid and thinking “Stamper is a beast.” The guy shrugged off pain and kept coming no matter what. He takes sadomasochism to a whole new level and left a lasting impression on mini-me.
Those are my picks for the best Bond henchmen of all time. There are a ton more (and probably a ton to come). That’s why I’d love to hear who your favorite ones are in the comments below. I’ll be updating this list as new Bond henchmen hit the big screen. So, be sure to check back to see how the rankings change in the future!