The Top 10 “Best” Movie Jalopies
These Movie Jalopies Might Barely Work, But They’ll Get You From Point A to Point B.
People always argue over what the best movie cars of all time are, but you never hear them debating the “best” movie jalopies. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a jalopy is an old or dilapidated vehicle, aka a clunker. In other words, movie jalopies are some of the ugliest cars to ever grace the silver screen. To be fair, despite looking like dumpster fires on wheels, most of the cars on this list are still surprisingly effective when it comes to getting the job done. That being said, I wouldn’t want one of them parked in my driveway. With a bit of effort, I put aside my sense of standards and aesthetics and embraced the hideous side of motor vehicles to put together this list of automotive abominations. The only rules are that these movie jalopies have to have more than two wheels, can’t be industrial transports (buses, semi-trucks, etc), and aren’t military or urban assault vehicles. Everything else is fair game. So, get ready, because this list of movie jalopies is ready to trigger every check engine light in the state!.
10. 6000 SUX- RoboCop
As fun as the 80s might have been, it was not the most aesthetically pleasing decade, especially for movie jalopies. Kicking off this list is a fictional car that might not exactly be old, but it was ugly as sin. The vile Omni Consumer Products markets the 6000 SUX (built off the frame of a 77 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme) which they claim to be the biggest and least fuel-efficient vehicle on the market. As fun as it might be to laugh at the appeal of such a hideous and ineffective vehicle, the fact that suburban dads think driving Hummers will fend off a midlife crisis has me thinking that the 6000 SUX would be inexplicably popular among climate change deniers trying to compensate for… Well, let’s just say they have something to compensate for.
9. 1941 Chevrolet Heavy-Duty COE- Jeepers Creepers
Let me say that by including this nightmarish truck on this list of movie jalopies I’m fully separating the art from the artist with this one since finding out that director Victor Slava is a total creep. Then again, that might be why he was able to find one of the most terrifying clunkers to ever grace the silver screen. The Creeper is a supernatural slasher that rises every 23rd Spring, for 23 days to feed on anyone it can get its hands on. No one knows how long the Creeper’s been doing this, but it makes sense that he’d take advantage of the automotive era by getting himself a ride to help with his hunting. Back in the day, the Chevy Heavy-Duty COE was probably pretty inconspicuous, but these days it just screams “stay away.” As if that wasn’t bad enough, it has a lethal security system, making it a literal death trap for anyone who comes across it.
8 1991 Toyota Tercel- Sorry to Bother You
Some of the movie jalopies on this list are painfully realistic. Case in point, Cassius Green’s sputtering 91 Tercel. The thing is a visual metaphor of his having hit rock bottom in life. Hell, he doesn’t even own this junker; it’s his uncle’s. When we first see this bucket of bolts, it’s hard to tell what the original color was, since it’s made up of parts from three other cars and covered with a thick layer of grime. The Tercel’s problems run far deeper than a fresh coat of paint, and it dies a painful death a few times in the flick. What makes this such a cringy clunker is that I’ve seen a few of these things on the road, and they always seem to be in the same dilapidated state. Sorry to Bother You really hits the nail on its head when it comes to the details on this one, making the underlying themes all the more potent.
7. 1976 AMC Pacer AKA The Mirthmobile- Wayne’s World 1 and 2
Hey, being ugly isn’t always a bad thing. I mean, some things can be so ugly they become cute or even cool again. The Mirthmobile is most definitely the perfect car for Wayne and Garth, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t any less of a jalopy. That being said, I wouldn’t mind catching a ride in the passengers’ seat if push came to shove. It’s in surprisingly good condition, which might have made it a collector’s item one day (if someone was weird enough to collect AMC Pacers), but Garth went and slapped the weakest flame decals ever made on the sides of it. There’s a certain je ne sais quoi to it that makes it almost charming. But I also have to admit that I laughed the first time I saw it. At the end of the day, the Mirthmobile is part of the joke, and that basically makes it a clown car.
6. 1974 Dodge Monaco AKA The Bluesmobile- The Blues Brothers
Just to be clear, this isn’t the original Bluesmobile. Elwood Blues traded that for a microphone while Jake was in prison. Just before his brother got on parole though, Elwood picked up the 74 Dodge Monaco. The thing is actually a retired Mount Prospect Police car that they were practically giving away. Turns out there was a reason for that since nothing in the damn thing works anymore. The paint job also makes it pretty conspicuous, which isn’t always great when the brothers are trying to make a fast getaway. At the same time, as a former cop car, this clunker has some serious get up and go. So much so that some might argue it’s involved in one of the greatest car chases in movie history as the brother’s race to complete their mission from God. This is one jalopy that can still blow the doors off half the cars on the road.