The Top 10 Worst Comic Book Movies Without Superheroes
Tremble Before the Worst Comic Book Movies of All Time!
Geeks can be a bit sensitive when it comes to their fandoms. So, I want to say that this list of the worst comic book movies comes from a place of love. The things I might say about the films on this list… Maybe not so much. As much as people like to complain about recent Marvel or DC movies, I found that when it comes to the worst comic book movies of all time, not all of them feature superheroes. Carrying a bit of momentum from my list of the best comic book movies, I figured I might as well tackle the worst as well. The rules will be exactly the same for this list: 1) No masked vigilantes in any of these movies. Vigilantes, in general, will be accepted, since that’s never been strictly a comic book thing. 2) I’m also going to avoid Marvel or DC movies on this list, just to really drive my point home that there are tons of non-superhero comics out there (plus those two might just get a similar list of their own). So, get ready for some flabbergastingly awful flicks as I count down the worst comic book movies of all time.
10. Polar
It seems kind of fitting that a Netflix adaptation is kicking off this list of the worst comic book movies since the streaming service claimed two spots on the best list. I guess that just shows that you can’t be great all the time. In fact, sometimes, like with the case of Polar, you can kind of suck. Director Jonas Åkerlund clearly intended to create a bold visual statement, drawing influence from films like Sin City and Scott Pilgrim vs The World. The problem with that is that you really should avoid reminding your audience of better comic book movies when you’re making a shallow imitation. The premise itself isn’t half-bad as it follows an aging hitman (Mads Mikkelsen) as he finds that a contract has been put out on him. A slew of up and coming assassins set out after him, but you don’t get to retirement age in that game unless you’re damn good at what you do. Polar tries way too hard to be a hyper-edgy film which makes it difficult to like, even with Mikkelsen in the lead.
9. Oldboy (2013)
If Polar’s inclusion on this list of the worst comic book movies was “fitting” the 2013 remake of Oldboy is downright hilarious. Why? Because the 2003 version was a no-brain for one of the top spots on the list featuring the best. Spike Lee decided to take a crack at an American adaptation of the comic series by Nobuaki Minegishi and Garon Tsuchiya, and it did not receive a positive reaction at all. Which is a shame since the core cast featured some of my favorite actors, Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Olsen, and Sharlto Copley, all of whom have played other comic book characters over the years as well. So, what went wrong with this version of the tale? Honestly, it might have been because the incredible twist ending had been spoiled for me with the original. However, I believe that when it comes to gritty, gut-wrenching revenge movies, no one does it half as good as the Koreans these days.
8. I, Frankenstein
I can’t be the only one who mistakenly thought that I, Frankenstein was going to be an attempt to integrate the classic monster in the Underworld movieverse when I went to see it in theaters. The trailer very much has the same kind of vibe as the vampire vs werewolf franchise. However, I, Frankenstein is very much not a part of that universe (thought the graphic novel that the film is based on was from the creator of Underworld, Kevin Grevioux). Instead, Frankenstein gets mixed up in a holy war between angels and demons, which is just weird. I suppose that the film was trying to apply a religious take to the monster’s mythos, but it feels forced and cumbersome when the science behind the character is such a central part of the plot. Even though Aaron Eckhart wasn’t half-bad as Frankenstein’s Monster, none of the other pieces of this film fit together.
7. Judge Dredd
Oldboy isn’t the only entry with a counterpart on the best comic book movies list. Before Karl Urban put on the helmet and “became the law”, Sylvester Stallone gave it a try in 1995. Now, some might say that Judge Dredd was so bad it was good, but they’d be wrong. I get that there might be some nostalgia in play, but Judge Dredd staggers around trying to find its focus like a punch-drunk boxer in the 12th round. That’s because that version of the character was a campy, mumbling, muscle-bound action cliche who was stuck with Rob Schnieder as a side-kick. Seriously, between Stallone and Armand Assante, the film should have come with subtitles standard in some scenes. You’ll probably notice there haven’t been any petitions for a sequel to Judge Dredd floating around out there(at least none that have been taken seriously). While Dredd was great, Judge Dredd was a total mess and definitely one of the worst comic book movies ever made.
6. Barb Wire
In the 90s, Pamela Anderson was one of the biggest sex symbols of the decade. While she was in some incredibly popular shows like Baywatch, Home Improvement, and V.I.P, she was really best known for being “the hot blonde”. Now, I’m not hating on Pam for that. A woman is welcome to be professionally hot if she chooses, and I was becoming teen in the late 90s in need of sex symbol… So it was kind of a win-win. However, that should be your first clue as to why Barb Wire is on this list of the worst comic book movies. Set in the far-off futuristic year of 2017 after a second Civil War has wrecked America, the film follows Barb Wire who squeaks out a meager living as a humble nightclub owner/stripper/bounty hunter. Things get “crazy” when she suddenly finds herself in a Casablanca rip off and has to help her ex and his new gal flee the country. It is just as bad as you’re imagining it to be right now.